Voluntary Trip to Hell




I don’t like residing here,
My mind’s a painful place;
Every time I close my eyes...
I see her smiling face.
Her sweet laughter echoes,
Deep within my head;
As I search for the reason...
Why she is dead.
No "facilitating factors",
Is the wording that appeared;
Although it was expected...
It’s also what I feared.
I’ll never have the answer,
That I feel the need to know;
How someone so wondrous...
Could suddenly just "go".
The memories sustain me,
But they also trigger pain;
I want one without the other...
Yet that I can’t attain.
I only mirror living,
And a grief-stained soul I bear;
I can feel it bleeding...
But I no longer care.
Please don’t’ try to rescue me,
From my bitter-sweet retreat;
It is a private journey...
That you can not defeat.
I will share a wounding secret,
That I hope you will never tell;
About a grieving mother’s...
Voluntary trip to Hell.
Don’t dig too deeply in my mind,
For it is a painful place,
Yet I welcome going there...
Just to see her face!

-Jacki Cooke-